Mistakes and challenges

There are two ways to write. I could share what I already know, or I could share what I'm learning and how. Sharing what I know, would probably make this blog more useful to the readers and make me seem more credible. Or at least the information that's being shared, more credible - if  it would just be pure scientifically proven facts, it would be easy to believe. The second - sharing what I learn and how, makes the information less practical for the readers, but it gives a lot to me - the possibility (that sometimes even feels like an obligation) to reflect upon what's happening and what information I'm receiving and sharing in my everyday life, makes me to learn, remember, reconsider, and share it to the readers of my blog. Of course when I'm mainly doing it for myself, it could be a diary rather than an online blog, but as I see it, a blog is better as it makes me want to be sure that what I say is correct and makes sence. And in a way, it makes me more credible - as it's an obvious proof that I do learn, think, read, write and experience, rather than just quoting all kinds of facts. This is why I'm writing my blog and this is why I sometimes feel bad about it, as it seems..pointless if I look at it from the others' point of view. It's often stating the obvious. But even the obvious things needs to be tried out and proven, to make sure that they definitely are obvious. :D. At least when one is young. Or at least when one is me. Maybe the others can then learn from my mistakes or from the things I've gotten right. 

Right now I'd like to write about 

(IR)RESPONSIBILITY
I found out I have a shin splint (an inflammation of the bones and muscles in the ankle, quite common in athletes) last week’s Wednesday. I had signed up for Aarhus Halvamarthon on Sunday and was highly recommended by the physiotherapist not to run it. I was also recommended not to run at all and change my endurance activity to for example biking or swimming. Even in case I definitely want to continue with running, I was told to take an half a year or a year break from it, because my shin splint was quite bad and it wasn't the first time I've had it. However, I still ran on Sunday.
Now, during my long, boring and painful recovery from the half marathon, I've had time to think about why did I do it and why didn't I just cancel the plan of running. And if I would get to decide now, knowing how it feels, would I still do it or not.

I ran because
1. I had trained for it (how did I get my shin splint in the first place :D) and been looking forward to it
2. I was looking forward to the emotion of participating in a running competition and the feeling after it
3. I wanted to see how will I do
4. I figured if my leg is already bad and I already need to take a break from running, then I can just as well run with the bad leg and then start with the resting - in a way the Halfmarathon became my (at least for a while) last start and even a bigger challenge as I obviously wasnt in my best shape.
5. The (silly) pride and the not -giving - up thing. 

The physios told  me that after the run I might scream in my bed and hope that someone will take my leg off cause it's not going to be nice. As always, I figured they're just being physios (I should definitely get rid of my prejudices). But then, when I was standing with my leg just shaking and bearing no weight after finishing the marathon and after the painkillers had stopped working, when I had to choose between a) biking home that's going to hurt like crazy but take me home home or b) taking the bus, where I could sit but to what I had to walk and from where I had to walk; and all I actually wanted to do was just to lay down and cry for a while, I kind of realized, what I had actually just done..just because I chose so.
(I biked home.)

Leaving the pain, being bored and uncomfortable aside, what surprised  and maybe annoyed me the most, was that not even once during making the decision of whether or not to run, had I thought about the athletes I'm supposed to train. Of course I knew I need to be working on Monday, but in the decision making process it was always like 'yeah, it's gonna hurt, but I just have to suck it up and go to work' and that was what I was willing to do. But I hadn't even considered the possibility that I might become completely immobilized and just be unable to go to work. I didn't think that there are athletes counting on me, trusting me (and I just wrote
and needing me, to be in shape for their competitions, that are definitely more important than my little amateur running challenges. Of course actually they're counting on Simon who's back now, but if the work placement is to make me feel like a real coach, then that'd be what'd be expected from me.
And I didnt think of how's it all going to look like from my athletes' eyes. Having a coach who's just limping around cause she had an injury and she didnt care and just went and destroyed herself? At least my mom and Simon have the same opinion about that: dont worry about that, no-one's existence is completely pointless - one can always serve as a bad example...:D. Of course they mean it as a joke..but a fair one, isnt it?
And how does that influence how much the athletes trust me. 1) will I still be able to train them like they need to be trained? 2) if I can do that to myself, what can I do to them?

I just...dont...really get it - how could I not have thought about what happens if it happens that I cant go to work. It was an obvious possibility. And it happened.
Maybe I was just considering myself tougher than I really am. Or maybe I was considering physios to be physios (damn, those prejudices, isn't it?)

Luckily, Simon has been taking it really good. On Monday (his first day back), I just worked half a day, then stayed home to recover. Had some jokes about me being an animal and walking like one, in the gym :D. On Tuesday I was told to 'be tough and hang in there' and stay home to rest. Today I finally went to work. It was so good. It was such a nice and funny and cool day. Though I was still walking like an animal. Like a turtle, to be precise. (But I am as well, I could easily be beaten in fast walking by my grandmother. And she's Slow, i promise she is.) And the thing of being Kirsi Kaups just follows me around everywhere. Not that I'd ever talk about how it is, but as soon as I stepped to the gym limping, the reaction was like 'ooh, Kiiiirrrsi...aah..Kiiiirrrsi',:D... saying it all.
I was sent home to rest and recover before the last practice today as well, but before that, Simon took his time to tell me that he sees I’m feeling very bad about it, but I  shouldn't. That he could say Im stupid if I'd done it the same way three times before, but  things like that happen and Im actually tough and Im still a good coach. And not that'd I'd have low self esteem or anything (tho I have been fighting with it, laying here in my bed), but I think it was still  nice to hear it and it made me feel better. And as if it's fine to hurt sometimes.

And it actually is. Even as I can't use my legs very much and I have to eat soup all the time cause I'm not using any energy but don't wanna gain weight; it also makes me be able to turn more time on other things. My abdominal, lower back and arm- muscles have become so much stronger :P. I cant move around all that much so I just have my little exercise mat on the floor and then I do pushups on one leg and abs and back muscles and more pushups and more stomach and back exercises and then I google more of them and then I read some books I never had time to read and visit the webpages I always want to but never have time for and then I make some more pushups and crunches and then eat some soup and sleep and...it is kind of nice :). And my leg is recovering just fine. I've spent all my frozen berries and vegetables on freezing it, but it is doing a nice job and getting better all the time :).
The bad thing is, I’m afraid it might have a stress fracture and that takes a long time to get completely fine; and out of all this limping, my left leg has also got a shin splint now :/.

Anyhow, I'm glad to have learned the lesson and I'm glad to have such good people around me.
But if knowing what I know now, I'd get to turn back time and choose again whether or not I want to run...
I think I would :/.

Smart people learn from other people's mistakes, stupid ones dont learn even from their own. 

xoxo
limping Kiiiiirrrsi. 

;)