I wish I had more time. I learn, experience and think about so many different things and then I would like to write down what I think of what and why, just to share it, get reflections and reconsider. But there's so many things and so little time, that I manage to think all my thoughts through and around and change my mind about them so many times, that in the end I dont know what to say.
I think that's the process of learning - getting confused and more confused and more confused within some things and then finally reaching some understanding, that enables you to get confused about some new thing.
Last week, during the paskeferie, I was doing my workplacement, that still hasn't officially started. There was this throwing camp for young elithes in Denmark, and the camp lasted from Saturday until last Friday. Besides that I was following the coach Simon around in other practices, so all day every day of the last week, I was in a sports environment. That meant two throwing sessions out on the field, and about three workouts in the gym every day, meeting a lot of new people, some of whom have already won the olympic games, even repeatedly and some who are sure they are going to, watching a lot of movies, readying some things on the internet and learning so much. About shot putting and throwing discus, about coaching, about people, about proffessional sports, myself and who I wanna be and..ooh. But it also ment eating with professional sportsmen. And not just random ones, but the one's who's main goal is to get big, get ripped :D. Therefore having a buffet every day for lunch where they "eat as much as possible. and then some more" and then dinner with dessert as well. So now I think I might get ripped as well :/:D:D
All in all we had so much fun, did so many things and I have many new thoughts to write here. And on 5th of April we even went swimming in the sea :). I'll add some photos too when I get them.
Now it's two weeks until the end of school, so keeping the excitement down, Im trying to learn the last things; and its three weeks until the beginning of work placement, so Im trying to make my last big efforts to get as strong and smart as possible. Im already so tired of living out of exercising, eating and reading, but it's this nice tiredness of making an effort to improve. And once again I have to be surprised, how fast it's possible to improve at something in the start. I have never been much of a going-to-gym kind of girl and if I did, I ran and did some stomach and back exercises and something with dumbells and then when about an hour was done, went back home. But now, when I've been actually doing something to get bigger and stronger and making a real effort, Im shocked how strong I am. :D not obviously compared to strong people, but compared to myself before all this. I know I have a long way to improve, but now I really want to get strong and be fit and have muscles. I used to be this runner/biker/roller skater and never really thought of nor felt as if getting any muscles or doing strenght training, but suddenly Im so into it, I dont know if I ever can get out and I hope I wont.
With all the new thoughts from the camp, I had rested and digested enough throughout the weekend and yesterday made an exercise program first thing in the morning. Then I got so excited about it myself that I needed to try it out, so I did. It was soooo...good. I had put in only the exercises I like to do but that are challenging, and then I almost mastered some of them. No. I didn't really, but I know Im going to :). The only problem with the program is that it's too long and missing some exercises, so I might need to make it into two different ones. It's real basic and real nice program, so I can post it here as well, but I'll do it in the end of the week, as then I have had some time to figure out how exactly should it be. So that's what I'll be doing in my birthday week :).
I have some thoughts about growing up as well, but I'll write them as a grown up :).
Right now I had a chocolate candy and then watched this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzktJYFkEJ0
now I cannot eat my lunch.
By the way quarter of the year is now done, how's the new-years promises going? They better be at least quarter-way filled, or you gotta start working hard.
The last post from
20-year-old Kirsi Kaups :)
Tuesday, 10 April 2012
Sunday, 1 April 2012
What I've learned in March
Happy April! 10 more days before I'm a grown-up
:D haha...
First of all, I feel really good. It might ofcourse be also because it's spring or because I believe that this kind of clean month makes me feel good and my thoughts make me think I feel it, or just a coincidence, but I have a lot of energy, I feel very motivated and inspired to do things and I enjoy myself in the things I do :).
*All in all it wasn't a great challenge. Partly probably because as it turned out I dont eat much meat anyway and partly because as I made the plan from the start lasting a whole month, it wanst hard to stick with it, as I knew the thing is going to last for a month and there's no point thinking about it before every meal for example.
What was interesting, however, is that even though I didn't miss eating meat, after about two weeks, I started missing the feeling of it. I didnt realize it first and thought that I've just discovered that sun-dried tomatoes are good and kept on eating them, but later I figured that it's probably the texture, that it's a bit like meat. I somehow missed how it feels in my mouth - not as crunchy as raw vegetables and fruits, but not as soft as the other things I was eating.
What was interesting, however, is that even though I didn't miss eating meat, after about two weeks, I started missing the feeling of it. I didnt realize it first and thought that I've just discovered that sun-dried tomatoes are good and kept on eating them, but later I figured that it's probably the texture, that it's a bit like meat. I somehow missed how it feels in my mouth - not as crunchy as raw vegetables and fruits, but not as soft as the other things I was eating.
*I also learned that although there's been a lot of discussion whether or not it's possible to have sufficient amount of proteins and micronutrients like iron, zink, magnesium, b12 and so on in your diet when you're a vegeterian, it's actually quite easy. I double-checked myself using the webpage www.tap.nutridata.ee and managed to post almost everything I ate every day, to keep track of myself, and to me it seems that it's not very difficult to have sufficient nutrients as long at least, as one is not a vegan.
If anything, I might have run a bit low on iron. As the recommendation is bigger for females as it is for males anyway, as we loose it through our blood, and a great deal of iron comes from meat, (and heme-iron only comes from meat), it is, I'd say the micronutrient I had most troubles with.
The symptoms of mild iron deficiency are having difficulties to focus, feeling tired and moody. I think it's my symptoms you can read about a couple of posts below ;).
The symptoms of mild iron deficiency are having difficulties to focus, feeling tired and moody. I think it's my symptoms you can read about a couple of posts below ;).
*What surprised me was the social factor in it. Wouldn't it make sense, that what I put into my mouth is my decision and problem, and not supposed to affect people around me? Well, that's not how it worked. And even my hypothesis that it's gonna influence my social life because I might start avoiding parties and not feel as if I'd wanna go, was wrong.
What happened was, my friends, started to be all weird to me. For example when just going out to lunch they suddenly said 'ooooh, but you're a vegeterian now, huh? So you can't eat anywhere...what can you eat? Is there a place you know where you could have something normal?' And I was like..hey, I do eat fish..and I can just have a salad or soup..naah :D.
What happened was, my friends, started to be all weird to me. For example when just going out to lunch they suddenly said 'ooooh, but you're a vegeterian now, huh? So you can't eat anywhere...what can you eat? Is there a place you know where you could have something normal?' And I was like..hey, I do eat fish..and I can just have a salad or soup..naah :D.
And my smoking friends didn't felt weird smoking in front of me a'la you're all so healthy now and do you mind if i smoke, i can have the cigarette later if you want to, are you sure its ok with you etc etc...
AND what surprised me the most were conversations like ( I promised it really happened. repeatedly) oh it was a really great party yesterday, but we missed you so, you sooo should have been there, parties are not the same without you...and I'm like..well, you could have just invited me..:/. and they would be like yeaah, but you're not drinking anymore.
So the thing is, if you dont drink, you cant have fun and you won't be invited, probably based on the assumption that you'd say no anyway.
AND what surprised me the most were conversations like ( I promised it really happened. repeatedly) oh it was a really great party yesterday, but we missed you so, you sooo should have been there, parties are not the same without you...and I'm like..well, you could have just invited me..:/. and they would be like yeaah, but you're not drinking anymore.
So the thing is, if you dont drink, you cant have fun and you won't be invited, probably based on the assumption that you'd say no anyway.
So my friends became very aware and conscious about their own actions and felt..i guess kind of weird around me, so they (unconsciously I hope) started to avoid me. And I find it's crazy that thats how things work.
Of course it might be just cause I'm friends with the people im friends with :D.
And actually some really nice things happened as well, like for example a couple of them joined me for running, as that's a thing we can do together, and I went swimming many times with my roommate, and when I suggested for example going rollerskating and watching a movie later at home on a friday evening, my friends were up to it and enjoyed it. So the people, who managed to keep an open mind or not think about 'my march', actually start doing what one could call 'higher quality' activities with me :).
*I also learned, where in Aarhus, is the best Salmon salad; that tofu is actually ok to eat and so are olives and sun tried tomatoes; and that I do not like Falafel even if I'm a vegetarian.
*With a lifestyle like mine in March, there's no...place nor need nor..reason..for junk food. I mean..first of all, if you dont eat falafel (I dont even know how widespread as a junk it is..) then..how many items of junk you could get, is there at all? French fries..yeah..but boring..a shrimp pizza? not in the middle of the night.
Plus if no alcohol is consumed, I dont actually feel as if wanting something..and if there's no hangovers, then..yeah. When or why should you eat junk at all? So I didn't..but on the other hand I never do anyway..but it took me zero thinking about it.
Plus if no alcohol is consumed, I dont actually feel as if wanting something..and if there's no hangovers, then..yeah. When or why should you eat junk at all? So I didn't..but on the other hand I never do anyway..but it took me zero thinking about it.
*There is awful ways to be a vegetarian. If you think about it ice-cream, candies, fried potatoes, potato chips, salted peanuts, cookies, pastries and so on and so on..don't have any meat in them :D.
I did not practice that. much.
*Once I really really dreamed of a (sorry I dont know how it is in English, but) a viiner. I really really wanted to have a viiner - that's like a little sausage you put into oven or eat as it is. And the craving lasted almost the whole day :D and at one point I was so focused on it, that I actually caused a dangerous situation in traffic. :/. :D.
But then I slept on it, and it passed.
But then I slept on it, and it passed.
*And I really missed getting drunk. I'm sorry, I know how awful it sounds, but i did. I missed it for social reasons. Apparently thats like a..real proper way to slappe af or relax among a lot of people and my friends to it and they feel uncomfortable if they're drinking and Im not and think Im bored and uncomfortable and I dont want to make them feel like that, so it's easier to not be there. Plus there is only that much you can tolerate a bunch of people getting drunk when you're sober :D.
To put it in a really harsh way - life is boring without alcohol. And
*weekends actually seem shorter without partying - when I go out partying, so many things happen and I see so many people with who we do so many things, then arrive home so late that it's almost early already :D, and then go by the pronciple 'have energy to party hard, gotta have the energy to study harder', then I study and clean my home and train and maybe even party again on Saturday and then relax on Sunday and..it's like doing so much. But in March I like basically train-clean-study-meetfriends-sleep-meetfriends-study-clean-train. go to school it's monday. kind of.
To put it in a really harsh way - life is boring without alcohol. And
*weekends actually seem shorter without partying - when I go out partying, so many things happen and I see so many people with who we do so many things, then arrive home so late that it's almost early already :D, and then go by the pronciple 'have energy to party hard, gotta have the energy to study harder', then I study and clean my home and train and maybe even party again on Saturday and then relax on Sunday and..it's like doing so much. But in March I like basically train-clean-study-meetfriends-sleep-meetfriends-study-clean-train. go to school it's monday. kind of.
* I like to have a cigarette after handing in a n exam and I cant remember the last time I didnt. Again, Im sorry and know it's not nice. And I wanst even aware of it before I was in the situation. But I had a fruit smoothie instead and discovered, it was at least as good, so that's gonna be my new thing to do. (haah, it might get difficult to find one every time tho..:D)
Basically, I've learned so much about myself and other things during this one month, that I could write forever. However, these were the main discoveries if you can call them that, that I brought out here. I'm so glad I did it and I feel physically good as well. I have decided to not eat meat until next Sunday as it's..:O:| what the is that called in English?:D:D..it's...Lihavõtted/Paske and then Im going to start eating meat together with all religious people who were fasting as well.
And the future looks oh so bright:
We have started our Paske holiday, lasting for a week, during what I'm going to participate in an intensive training camp for throwers, that the coach Simon, Im going to do my work placement with, is throwing. It includes two workout sessions and a bunch of social activities every day, started yesterday and last for the whole week. People participating are all around Denmark and seem to be a lot of fun :).
We have started our Paske holiday, lasting for a week, during what I'm going to participate in an intensive training camp for throwers, that the coach Simon, Im going to do my work placement with, is throwing. It includes two workout sessions and a bunch of social activities every day, started yesterday and last for the whole week. People participating are all around Denmark and seem to be a lot of fun :).
Then it's two weeks of school again, then free for almost a week before a 48 hour exam, a little free time as Simon is travelling and then my workplacement for 8-weeks starts :)! I cannnot wait, i promise. And then it's the end of June and time to enjoy the summer :). Plan is to be in Denmark mostly in June and then in Estonia in the beginning/middle of August. And in the end of August come back to start the new schoolyear focusing on overweight and obesity. Haaah, gotta love life, right? :):P.
I'm looking forward and I keep you posted :)
:O and run to gym now, the camp is waiting :):)
I'm looking forward and I keep you posted :)
:O and run to gym now, the camp is waiting :):)
Have fun!
Wednesday, 28 March 2012
Less like whining ( I told you I'm moody :D)
After writing the last post I sat down in my bed and started reading because I had a headache and I felt bad and I couldn't possibly study anything if Im feeling like that and my body was tired and it probably just needed a little rest and I had to figure out what to eat for dinner that wouldnt make me feel any more sick and it was already something like almost 3pm, so maybe I needed a nap before dinner and...and so on and so on and so on.
And then I suddenly realized that it's myself that makes me all so sick. I felt lazy, big, soft and stupid, having no better entertainment than reading a book, being sick and thinking of the dinner I didnt wanna have. The thing is, if you're hungry you wanna eat, and if you're not then you dont wanna eat, so I probably wasnt just hungry enough. And when I realized how am I coping (or how was I NOT coping) with everything, I suddenly got the sickest sick ever.
For me being sad is being egoistic. I'm not like an optimist or anything, but good and interesting things just usually happen to me. And then if I wanna be sad, I take this really egoistic point of view and just exclude all the cool parts of life that are around me and just start focusing on what's wrong. I dont think of the cool new things I learned in school today AFTER I got up and went there, or what it actually is I need to do as homework, I just know I dont feel well enough to do my homework, I dont wanna get out of bed, not that I'd be thinking of WHY I'm getting out and that that's actually what I want, and I know I dont want to work out, without thinking WHY it actually is that I do work out and WHAT working out means (as in all my favorite moves and feeling fine and lookign good afterwards..).
Blökk, and my bed was kind of unmade and the kitchen was a mess - not like dirty dishes cause I hadnt been eating or making anything but like peals of grapefruit, three grapes, half eaten apple etc lying around in random places. And that really was the moment when enough is enough.
As I still had my exercising clothes on from school, I just put my running shoes on too, grabbed my bag, took my bike and biked to the gym. One thing I've probably learned from my brother: Biking fast = smiling. If you're not smiling, you're just not going fast enough. So I went REALLY fast. And smiled :). Parked my bike, took my bag inside and went out running - Oh I ran like..I dont know what. It actually didnt feel all that nice but I did it anyway. I ran uphill and downhill, fast and slow, jumped over things, balanced on a piece of wood over a lake, ran more and more and I even climbed a tree and made a cartwheel. Then I went inside and made squats until I couldnt, and then I realized I still have the exercise program we made in school in my bag and I could try it out, so I did, and not just the program but all the exercises we brainstormed before that to come up wioth the best programme. And I saw so many people I know and we worked out together and they helped me to figure out and improve exercises (I really wanted to find a way to do back exercises when you're very obese, because it started interesting be. And we found a solution :))
And then I was tired.
I was so tired that I smiled. I was physically tired and mentally fine. And then I thought of raspberry milkshake. :D. Just out of nowhere, I thought of it. And then I thought of cream cheese. And I wasnt sick at all. So I biked back home, all the way uphill, went to Fakta to buy raspberries, milk and cream cheese, came home, had a shower, made my homework, had dinner, fixed my eyebrows, polished my nails, enjoyed the kitchen I cleaned before biking to gym, made lunch for tomorrow and then now made little drawings of exercises for Friday and it's not half as easy for me to draw the exercises on a piece of paper than it is to come up with them, put them in a row or to make them myself. So I found drawing them so amusing that I laughed out loud to myself of myself :D. And I still do if I look at them drawings (probably Friday, when we're using them in school, is gonna train a lot of people's abdomen :D)
So Im fine now. I feel awful about feeling the things that made me write the last post and publish it, but I guess I need it to know with what to compare now and understand how good things actually are. And I hope Im not gonna feel like this ever again. And that if I will (and its porbably more of a 'when') I'll think of the post here and be smart enough to stop whining and do something. It's so much better to like yourself :) (even if you're too physically tired to actually feel it..:))
It's my birthday in two weeks. I can't wait :). I know what dress Im gonna wear and how my hair is gonna be :P. (I dont know yet what I'll be doing, hih :))
And here's my menu (bad, baaad example):
No breakfast, biking to school,
1 h of physical activity class
half of a bun with slice of cheese, tea
Lunch: walked around in the canteen thinking of puree soup, tuna sandwich, salad, lentils, ryebread with stuff on it. Tunasandwich one but never came to eating it.
Instead had a big bowl of muesli at home, with cacao, as I didnt have milk so I used the powder of cacao that doesnt need milk but water, because I was sleepy and hungry and then I usually want something sweet and a lot of it :/ and then surprise surprise I felt even more sick :D.
no snacks
dinner: ricecake with cream cheese, peppermint tea :)
milkshake. or actually just plain mashed raspberries with skim-milk. and it was oh so good :).
another 2 cups of peppermint tea and lemon water :).
Oh. And how coool. Yesterday I was at a shop and someone said 'hey coach.' and again. And I didnt react because why should I. And then suddenly someone pushed my head just as we do when we practice, and it was them too guys I know from the gym and who I train with the trainer Im doing my work placement with. Hih :). It is cool, isn't it? :P Sorry...
And my body can do 10 proper push ups while being on toes. Isnt that nice?
conclusion: There's a reason for feeling bad (mentally and physically and often times both), you gotta find it and deal with it (even when you feel to bad to do it).
Mmm..and just now I got an appetite for mushrooms, potatoes, porru/porrer/leek and asparagus. I've never had a dish like that. But Im sure Im gonna make it when I have time to make it. On Saturday :).
And from tomorrow on, im gonna eat on proper times again. I promise. And sleep on proper times.
Have a nice better-half of the week :)
And then I suddenly realized that it's myself that makes me all so sick. I felt lazy, big, soft and stupid, having no better entertainment than reading a book, being sick and thinking of the dinner I didnt wanna have. The thing is, if you're hungry you wanna eat, and if you're not then you dont wanna eat, so I probably wasnt just hungry enough. And when I realized how am I coping (or how was I NOT coping) with everything, I suddenly got the sickest sick ever.
For me being sad is being egoistic. I'm not like an optimist or anything, but good and interesting things just usually happen to me. And then if I wanna be sad, I take this really egoistic point of view and just exclude all the cool parts of life that are around me and just start focusing on what's wrong. I dont think of the cool new things I learned in school today AFTER I got up and went there, or what it actually is I need to do as homework, I just know I dont feel well enough to do my homework, I dont wanna get out of bed, not that I'd be thinking of WHY I'm getting out and that that's actually what I want, and I know I dont want to work out, without thinking WHY it actually is that I do work out and WHAT working out means (as in all my favorite moves and feeling fine and lookign good afterwards..).
Blökk, and my bed was kind of unmade and the kitchen was a mess - not like dirty dishes cause I hadnt been eating or making anything but like peals of grapefruit, three grapes, half eaten apple etc lying around in random places. And that really was the moment when enough is enough.
As I still had my exercising clothes on from school, I just put my running shoes on too, grabbed my bag, took my bike and biked to the gym. One thing I've probably learned from my brother: Biking fast = smiling. If you're not smiling, you're just not going fast enough. So I went REALLY fast. And smiled :). Parked my bike, took my bag inside and went out running - Oh I ran like..I dont know what. It actually didnt feel all that nice but I did it anyway. I ran uphill and downhill, fast and slow, jumped over things, balanced on a piece of wood over a lake, ran more and more and I even climbed a tree and made a cartwheel. Then I went inside and made squats until I couldnt, and then I realized I still have the exercise program we made in school in my bag and I could try it out, so I did, and not just the program but all the exercises we brainstormed before that to come up wioth the best programme. And I saw so many people I know and we worked out together and they helped me to figure out and improve exercises (I really wanted to find a way to do back exercises when you're very obese, because it started interesting be. And we found a solution :))
And then I was tired.
I was so tired that I smiled. I was physically tired and mentally fine. And then I thought of raspberry milkshake. :D. Just out of nowhere, I thought of it. And then I thought of cream cheese. And I wasnt sick at all. So I biked back home, all the way uphill, went to Fakta to buy raspberries, milk and cream cheese, came home, had a shower, made my homework, had dinner, fixed my eyebrows, polished my nails, enjoyed the kitchen I cleaned before biking to gym, made lunch for tomorrow and then now made little drawings of exercises for Friday and it's not half as easy for me to draw the exercises on a piece of paper than it is to come up with them, put them in a row or to make them myself. So I found drawing them so amusing that I laughed out loud to myself of myself :D. And I still do if I look at them drawings (probably Friday, when we're using them in school, is gonna train a lot of people's abdomen :D)
So Im fine now. I feel awful about feeling the things that made me write the last post and publish it, but I guess I need it to know with what to compare now and understand how good things actually are. And I hope Im not gonna feel like this ever again. And that if I will (and its porbably more of a 'when') I'll think of the post here and be smart enough to stop whining and do something. It's so much better to like yourself :) (even if you're too physically tired to actually feel it..:))
It's my birthday in two weeks. I can't wait :). I know what dress Im gonna wear and how my hair is gonna be :P. (I dont know yet what I'll be doing, hih :))
And here's my menu (bad, baaad example):
No breakfast, biking to school,
1 h of physical activity class
half of a bun with slice of cheese, tea
Lunch: walked around in the canteen thinking of puree soup, tuna sandwich, salad, lentils, ryebread with stuff on it. Tunasandwich one but never came to eating it.
Instead had a big bowl of muesli at home, with cacao, as I didnt have milk so I used the powder of cacao that doesnt need milk but water, because I was sleepy and hungry and then I usually want something sweet and a lot of it :/ and then surprise surprise I felt even more sick :D.
no snacks
dinner: ricecake with cream cheese, peppermint tea :)
milkshake. or actually just plain mashed raspberries with skim-milk. and it was oh so good :).
another 2 cups of peppermint tea and lemon water :).
Oh. And how coool. Yesterday I was at a shop and someone said 'hey coach.' and again. And I didnt react because why should I. And then suddenly someone pushed my head just as we do when we practice, and it was them too guys I know from the gym and who I train with the trainer Im doing my work placement with. Hih :). It is cool, isn't it? :P Sorry...
And my body can do 10 proper push ups while being on toes. Isnt that nice?
conclusion: There's a reason for feeling bad (mentally and physically and often times both), you gotta find it and deal with it (even when you feel to bad to do it).
Mmm..and just now I got an appetite for mushrooms, potatoes, porru/porrer/leek and asparagus. I've never had a dish like that. But Im sure Im gonna make it when I have time to make it. On Saturday :).
And from tomorrow on, im gonna eat on proper times again. I promise. And sleep on proper times.
Have a nice better-half of the week :)
Stagnation
aka crazy stupid student life.
I dont know what it is but I'm completely out of..everything. Ever since I got real busy with the exam I think. it's all been weird. What happened then, I noticed that as soon as I didn't have normal daily patterns I didnt eat normally either. I ended up never doing anything- waking up in the morning, biking 6km to the library, biking back in the evening, having dinner, maybe including a small run or something, and then staying up late. I hardly ever did anything physical, but I was so so tired all the time. And then as I never went to bed, I wanted to snack all the time. And then I noticed how it is that the later and the more I eat in the evening, the more I want to eat as soon as I wake up. And for example when I (yes i did) ate a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and sugar at 23:00, and went to bed at 1:30 then in the morning I could have just as well eat a cookie or candy or a pack of potato chips :/. And I wanted to snack all the time cause it made me feel better, but only WHILE doing it, if I wanst doing it, I wanted to do it or felt really bad because I was full and sick :/.
Then, after handing in t he exam last Wednesday, we had some classes at the gym and then had to work on a group exam for this Monday. On the same time I got really really busy working (cleaning houses), didnt get mch sleep and on my free time preferred sleeping to eating, thereby still not getting my rythm back. And still not exercising. I did went rollerskating almost every day plus running on Sunday, but other than that I cant remember when was the last time I did any sports that I put any effort in. And then on Monday I went to school, but was very tired the whole time and after coming back home, just couldnt do anything. So I went to bed where I read a bit, tried to study, took a nap, read a bit more for school and then felt really really sick at 9pm and just went to sleep. When I opened my eyes again it was 2pm Tuesday afternoon. I didnt feel all that great but a lot better. And I had promised to babysit from 5pm, so I did and felt quite fine. But today again, in the morning I didnt want to go to school, but I still did and now I just keep on feeling bad. And it's such a...Im really out of everything.
I dont have proper eating times, cause I dont feel like eating. Im hungry and want to eat, but when I think of actual things to eat, everything seems to make me sick. And I dont have any exercise patterns either cause I dont feel like doing anything and as it turnes out - I only manage doing sports every day because I want to, apparently I suck at making myself do something I dont wanna do like eating or working out (though I know they might make me feel better) cause it just doesnt seem appealing at all. And is not as if Im being a lazy..whoever :D or whoever, its just that there's nothing I could imagine I wanna do. I dont wanna watch tv, Dont wanna study, dont wanna lsiten to music, dont wanna take a walk, I just feel cold and tired all the time. It's just like puberty :D. And I promise there is not even one thing I could think of. Sorry, but I am being just a moody bitch. I know it and I cant stop it :/. And its really really annoying. (oh I wish I had a horse. I'd wanna go horse riding.)
I dont know what it is but I'm completely out of..everything. Ever since I got real busy with the exam I think. it's all been weird. What happened then, I noticed that as soon as I didn't have normal daily patterns I didnt eat normally either. I ended up never doing anything- waking up in the morning, biking 6km to the library, biking back in the evening, having dinner, maybe including a small run or something, and then staying up late. I hardly ever did anything physical, but I was so so tired all the time. And then as I never went to bed, I wanted to snack all the time. And then I noticed how it is that the later and the more I eat in the evening, the more I want to eat as soon as I wake up. And for example when I (yes i did) ate a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and sugar at 23:00, and went to bed at 1:30 then in the morning I could have just as well eat a cookie or candy or a pack of potato chips :/. And I wanted to snack all the time cause it made me feel better, but only WHILE doing it, if I wanst doing it, I wanted to do it or felt really bad because I was full and sick :/.
Then, after handing in t he exam last Wednesday, we had some classes at the gym and then had to work on a group exam for this Monday. On the same time I got really really busy working (cleaning houses), didnt get mch sleep and on my free time preferred sleeping to eating, thereby still not getting my rythm back. And still not exercising. I did went rollerskating almost every day plus running on Sunday, but other than that I cant remember when was the last time I did any sports that I put any effort in. And then on Monday I went to school, but was very tired the whole time and after coming back home, just couldnt do anything. So I went to bed where I read a bit, tried to study, took a nap, read a bit more for school and then felt really really sick at 9pm and just went to sleep. When I opened my eyes again it was 2pm Tuesday afternoon. I didnt feel all that great but a lot better. And I had promised to babysit from 5pm, so I did and felt quite fine. But today again, in the morning I didnt want to go to school, but I still did and now I just keep on feeling bad. And it's such a...Im really out of everything.
I dont have proper eating times, cause I dont feel like eating. Im hungry and want to eat, but when I think of actual things to eat, everything seems to make me sick. And I dont have any exercise patterns either cause I dont feel like doing anything and as it turnes out - I only manage doing sports every day because I want to, apparently I suck at making myself do something I dont wanna do like eating or working out (though I know they might make me feel better) cause it just doesnt seem appealing at all. And is not as if Im being a lazy..whoever :D or whoever, its just that there's nothing I could imagine I wanna do. I dont wanna watch tv, Dont wanna study, dont wanna lsiten to music, dont wanna take a walk, I just feel cold and tired all the time. It's just like puberty :D. And I promise there is not even one thing I could think of. Sorry, but I am being just a moody bitch. I know it and I cant stop it :/. And its really really annoying. (oh I wish I had a horse. I'd wanna go horse riding.)
So. It's the last week of March..or actually, after today there's just three days left and I haven't cheated with anything. I know Im proud of myself and feel good about doing it and Im sure it's gonna make me smile, but I just cannot feel it as I am being the moody one.
Luckily I just have to read one text for school tomorrow and then there's nothing else. Eat at least one more time. And I think im gonna force myself to take a walk later in the evening, just to..come out of this. nothingness, it is oh so annoying. ( I hope im not gonna take a nap instead :D).
Luckily I just have to read one text for school tomorrow and then there's nothing else. Eat at least one more time. And I think im gonna force myself to take a walk later in the evening, just to..come out of this. nothingness, it is oh so annoying. ( I hope im not gonna take a nap instead :D).
Oh, I shall post my menu as well, right. I'll do that too then :).
And the most annoying part is, there is one girl in the world who'd know how to handle me right now so I'd be fine within hours and safe for months, but she's so far away :/. And she has a birthday tomorrow :). Joujou and happy birthday. Lennart Meri would have it too :).
I promise Im smiling and thats a progress. And I have a headache. I'll write again when I feel less like whining.
Sunday, 25 March 2012
Heysa
Just Sunday menu, ALL the rest will be here tomorrow, I promise :)
Breakfast (+lunchbrunch, cause I slept forever) Mozzarella sandwiches (take two slices of bread, put some pieces of mozzarella in between, cover the upper slice with a bit of egg and put to oven for like 10 min). With tomato and pesto :)
+ a chocolate candy (Kalev (L):):):):))
Lunch: some leftover mix of tomatoes, onion, beans, celery, aubergine, champignons etc..
Dinner: salad of iceberg salad, tomatoes, onion, olives, shrimps, pepper fruit, chilli-flavoured garlic :D and dill. with some yoghurt, mustard and champignons, with roasted white bread.
AND THEN I made my first very own flöddeboller (=whipped egg whites covered with chocolate), but as I've always been the rebel :D one and not following the rules (=recepies) I made them on cookie bottoms, cause I dont like marzipan and made some with cacao and cover some with starwberry chokolate and some with mint chocolate and some with dark and so on and on :D And now they're sitting in my fridge, but Im afraid that not for long ;) :P
Gottalove sundays :)
Breakfast (+lunchbrunch, cause I slept forever) Mozzarella sandwiches (take two slices of bread, put some pieces of mozzarella in between, cover the upper slice with a bit of egg and put to oven for like 10 min). With tomato and pesto :)
+ a chocolate candy (Kalev (L):):):):))
Lunch: some leftover mix of tomatoes, onion, beans, celery, aubergine, champignons etc..
Dinner: salad of iceberg salad, tomatoes, onion, olives, shrimps, pepper fruit, chilli-flavoured garlic :D and dill. with some yoghurt, mustard and champignons, with roasted white bread.
AND THEN I made my first very own flöddeboller (=whipped egg whites covered with chocolate), but as I've always been the rebel :D one and not following the rules (=recepies) I made them on cookie bottoms, cause I dont like marzipan and made some with cacao and cover some with starwberry chokolate and some with mint chocolate and some with dark and so on and on :D And now they're sitting in my fridge, but Im afraid that not for long ;) :P
Gottalove sundays :)
Tuesday, 20 March 2012
I do not understand drug addicts
If one gram of weed is something like 100dkk, I dont know about other drugs, but they're definitely much more expensive, and 450 grams of fresh strawberries is 15dkk, they have the same effect but are 10000000000000000 times better, why would you ever buy anything else?
..world..
Sunday, 18 March 2012
I've both cut down on working out and sleeping and still dont seem to be able to progress well with the exam. There's just so much I'd like to write about, but limited amount of pages so I can only write about the most relevant things. However, Im not sure if Im sure what the most relevant is, as for me everything seems to matter.
So Im not gonna spend a long time writing this post, but just shortly about what I need to do.
The first part of the exam is in Sports Nutrition, where we have this imaginary 19-year-old-basketball-playing William, who's now on some great team and needs to gain 5kg. We have his typical diet and exercise patterns and then need to evaluate the diet, the energy expenditure and supplements his taking and planning to take.
The next part is Organizational Management where it's more about business. We have four different fitness centers in UK, that we need to compare with scandinavian centers and their development and make an organizational analysis on. Then elaborate about their future, the challenges their likely to face, how to overcome them and what strategy to take.
For me it's not difficult to write those things at all, but what's difficult, is finding references from all the material we've went trough. It's like..I can remember wvwerything we have talked about and know what I think and why, but as Im not a significant genius for now, I cant write that something is, cause I say so. And its sooooo annoying knowing what you wanna say but needing to find someone else, who's smart and said it before, so you could repeat. aaargh.
Right now Im still doing the William-part, but getting kind of ready with it. But I cannot wait to get to the organizational part as that is, in my opinion so much easier. It even made me think if I shouldn't have learned some business thing as well, as it's so much easier for me to grasp and to elaborate on, and I could have health as my hobby and so and so..but no. It's so much more boring and easy doesnt make it any more appealing. Sports nutrition is much more difficult and I really have to work hard and my head hurts and eyes cant see and brain cant function have the time cause im trying so hard, but it's so interesting I cant and dont wanna stop and it's so cool to learn all those things.
Saden.
I got my job back and there's so many other really cool things I'd wanna write about, but gotta go back to back action and write the paper instead.
As it's Sunday I'll post my menu:
(I have no idea why Im doing it as I've lost all my interest in making an effort so the menu would look really healthy in here; it's nothing like a example menu of a balanced meal and it doesn't come with any analysis. But if you cant be bothered thinking about why, just go with the flow. Isnt that what most of us do anyway..)
Breakfast: oatmeal with almonds, banana, dried cherries and cinnamon
12:00 Mached vegetables with cream cheese, beetroot and ricecake
15:00 Cottage cheese, tomato, lettuce, boiled egg.
Chocolate/somethingsomething cake on cookie bottom (me with the cake again :D)
16:30 pear
18:30 ( I have no idea but as i dont think I have time to cook) puree soup again with natural yogurt, walnuts and bread. Maybe some Estonian candies, that Mum sent :):).
Btw. I can do 10 push-ups. Easy
:)
(not really. easy. but still)
So Im not gonna spend a long time writing this post, but just shortly about what I need to do.
The first part of the exam is in Sports Nutrition, where we have this imaginary 19-year-old-basketball-playing William, who's now on some great team and needs to gain 5kg. We have his typical diet and exercise patterns and then need to evaluate the diet, the energy expenditure and supplements his taking and planning to take.
The next part is Organizational Management where it's more about business. We have four different fitness centers in UK, that we need to compare with scandinavian centers and their development and make an organizational analysis on. Then elaborate about their future, the challenges their likely to face, how to overcome them and what strategy to take.
For me it's not difficult to write those things at all, but what's difficult, is finding references from all the material we've went trough. It's like..I can remember wvwerything we have talked about and know what I think and why, but as Im not a significant genius for now, I cant write that something is, cause I say so. And its sooooo annoying knowing what you wanna say but needing to find someone else, who's smart and said it before, so you could repeat. aaargh.
Right now Im still doing the William-part, but getting kind of ready with it. But I cannot wait to get to the organizational part as that is, in my opinion so much easier. It even made me think if I shouldn't have learned some business thing as well, as it's so much easier for me to grasp and to elaborate on, and I could have health as my hobby and so and so..but no. It's so much more boring and easy doesnt make it any more appealing. Sports nutrition is much more difficult and I really have to work hard and my head hurts and eyes cant see and brain cant function have the time cause im trying so hard, but it's so interesting I cant and dont wanna stop and it's so cool to learn all those things.
Saden.
I got my job back and there's so many other really cool things I'd wanna write about, but gotta go back to back action and write the paper instead.
As it's Sunday I'll post my menu:
(I have no idea why Im doing it as I've lost all my interest in making an effort so the menu would look really healthy in here; it's nothing like a example menu of a balanced meal and it doesn't come with any analysis. But if you cant be bothered thinking about why, just go with the flow. Isnt that what most of us do anyway..)
Breakfast: oatmeal with almonds, banana, dried cherries and cinnamon
12:00 Mached vegetables with cream cheese, beetroot and ricecake
15:00 Cottage cheese, tomato, lettuce, boiled egg.
Chocolate/somethingsomething cake on cookie bottom (me with the cake again :D)
16:30 pear
18:30 ( I have no idea but as i dont think I have time to cook) puree soup again with natural yogurt, walnuts and bread. Maybe some Estonian candies, that Mum sent :):).
Btw. I can do 10 push-ups. Easy
:)
(not really. easy. but still)
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