I dont know what it is but I'm completely out of..everything. Ever since I got real busy with the exam I think. it's all been weird. What happened then, I noticed that as soon as I didn't have normal daily patterns I didnt eat normally either. I ended up never doing anything- waking up in the morning, biking 6km to the library, biking back in the evening, having dinner, maybe including a small run or something, and then staying up late. I hardly ever did anything physical, but I was so so tired all the time. And then as I never went to bed, I wanted to snack all the time. And then I noticed how it is that the later and the more I eat in the evening, the more I want to eat as soon as I wake up. And for example when I (yes i did) ate a bowl of oatmeal with cinnamon and sugar at 23:00, and went to bed at 1:30 then in the morning I could have just as well eat a cookie or candy or a pack of potato chips :/. And I wanted to snack all the time cause it made me feel better, but only WHILE doing it, if I wanst doing it, I wanted to do it or felt really bad because I was full and sick :/.
Then, after handing in t he exam last Wednesday, we had some classes at the gym and then had to work on a group exam for this Monday. On the same time I got really really busy working (cleaning houses), didnt get mch sleep and on my free time preferred sleeping to eating, thereby still not getting my rythm back. And still not exercising. I did went rollerskating almost every day plus running on Sunday, but other than that I cant remember when was the last time I did any sports that I put any effort in. And then on Monday I went to school, but was very tired the whole time and after coming back home, just couldnt do anything. So I went to bed where I read a bit, tried to study, took a nap, read a bit more for school and then felt really really sick at 9pm and just went to sleep. When I opened my eyes again it was 2pm Tuesday afternoon. I didnt feel all that great but a lot better. And I had promised to babysit from 5pm, so I did and felt quite fine. But today again, in the morning I didnt want to go to school, but I still did and now I just keep on feeling bad. And it's such a...Im really out of everything.
I dont have proper eating times, cause I dont feel like eating. Im hungry and want to eat, but when I think of actual things to eat, everything seems to make me sick. And I dont have any exercise patterns either cause I dont feel like doing anything and as it turnes out - I only manage doing sports every day because I want to, apparently I suck at making myself do something I dont wanna do like eating or working out (though I know they might make me feel better) cause it just doesnt seem appealing at all. And is not as if Im being a lazy..whoever :D or whoever, its just that there's nothing I could imagine I wanna do. I dont wanna watch tv, Dont wanna study, dont wanna lsiten to music, dont wanna take a walk, I just feel cold and tired all the time. It's just like puberty :D. And I promise there is not even one thing I could think of. Sorry, but I am being just a moody bitch. I know it and I cant stop it :/. And its really really annoying. (oh I wish I had a horse. I'd wanna go horse riding.)
So. It's the last week of March..or actually, after today there's just three days left and I haven't cheated with anything. I know Im proud of myself and feel good about doing it and Im sure it's gonna make me smile, but I just cannot feel it as I am being the moody one.
Luckily I just have to read one text for school tomorrow and then there's nothing else. Eat at least one more time. And I think im gonna force myself to take a walk later in the evening, just to..come out of this. nothingness, it is oh so annoying. ( I hope im not gonna take a nap instead :D).
Luckily I just have to read one text for school tomorrow and then there's nothing else. Eat at least one more time. And I think im gonna force myself to take a walk later in the evening, just to..come out of this. nothingness, it is oh so annoying. ( I hope im not gonna take a nap instead :D).
Oh, I shall post my menu as well, right. I'll do that too then :).
And the most annoying part is, there is one girl in the world who'd know how to handle me right now so I'd be fine within hours and safe for months, but she's so far away :/. And she has a birthday tomorrow :). Joujou and happy birthday. Lennart Meri would have it too :).
I promise Im smiling and thats a progress. And I have a headache. I'll write again when I feel less like whining.
Ohh, täiesti mõistan mida sa tunned, mul on praegu kõigega täpselt sama moodi, panen selle kevadväsimuse arvele .. :D kuidagi peab ju põhjendama
ReplyDeleteJah ikka, loll on see, kes vabandust ei leia :). Aga ehk saab kuidagi lahendada ka :)
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