Evaluation

Coming back home always urges me to evaluate where I’ve been in the meantime and what I think of it all. The end of the year only adds to the urge, and so does the fast-approaching end of my MSc, so here we go, evaluation time.

I am so grateful for my life and also grateful for being me. I feel like the more I grow, the more I feel so well about being me and that I can trust myself to make decisions which make me happy. I am so grateful that throughout my life I have been surrounded by so many so great people, from who I could learn. I am happy that some of these people are from my family, so hopefully at least some of the things I had to learn, run in my blood. Other lessons come from their courage to make decisions in their lives, which does not always mean the easier option, but the one, which feels right. This I so appreciate and really hope that I will have the same courage. The rest of the great people I’ve come across, however, have no “obligation” to be in my life at all, and are or have been there completely voluntarily. This is the interesting part of friendship. And even my friends have families with many amazing people in them, and by knowing my friends, I hope that some of the knowledge of their inspiring parents, grandparents and their parents, has reached me. And finally, I am also grateful for all these people who I have met, known and not found so great. Because I think I have also learned a lot about myself by learning who I am not.

But all in all, I like myself, that after spending 19 adventurous years in Hiiumaa, Estonia, I have taken myself to see other countries and other people. I am happy that I studied something as basic and principal like health, which connects more or less to all other aspects of our existence or the world, and which is so fascinating for me and something, which I really have wanted and still do want to learn more about. I value this knowledge and its future perspectives, because either when counselling people or doing research (also cool that I learned both J), it allows me to help people and hopefully make at least someone’s lives more easy, happy and fulfilling. This value, in turn, I have most likely learned from my great people. (as well as from those who did not care of helping others and how I felt about them). In general, I like people and I believe that all people are good, but just some, sometimes, end up taking bad decisions due to specific circumstances. I am interested in our behaviour and happy that I can analyse it with the help of academic knowledge from behaviour to physiology.

So I would just like to say here at the end of the year, that at least the thing which I probably appreciate the most is the courage to question things outside as well as inside of oneself and to take decisions which feel right, even when you don’t know where it will end up leading you. That it is important to make yourself happy and do whatever you like. Afterall (and as I’ve probably already written many times before) if we all just got one life (at a time at least), then it makes sense to be at least a little bit selfish and do what is best for yourself. And that I personally have for sure learned it from my friends, family and all other people who I have come across. I so value and appreciate them, and I also want to do all I can, to be my personal best (which was the resolution for 2016 ;D), help, encourage and motivate others, and be the best possible influence I can. On the same time, I do not want to hurt anyone, be unfair, rude, ignorant, judgemental or in any way cause any unreasoned suffering. And when I think of these values, I am happy with myself and my life, because I really believe that these are good values (which, I do understand, one should better always think about all their values :D).

And yes, I am aware that likely if one has read even 10% of the posts in this blog, this post has not brought in much new (:D). But that at the end of the year, it is good to evaluate, and I am happy for having met, known and for still knowing so many good people. I am happy that I have education, which allows me to help people, I am happy that I have travelled and gained knowledge about a wide range of people and opinions, happy that I appreciate people and happy that I have learned good values, including valuing the courage of making decisions which feel right.

I am also unhappy about many many things in the world. But I do hope that being the best possible me is a good starting point to do what I can about the other things. So I think that I’ll also keep the same plan for next year – to be my personal best J. I would also like to hereby encourage everyone to evaluate the year, the life, and whatever else is relevant and think that maybe most suitable would be to end this post with the good old Serenity prayer (and hope it’ll then be in all of our minds at least for whole of 2017 J). And that if you dont feel like asking all that from God, then I hope that we will all find the power in ourselves to work towards the serenity, courage and wisdom.

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change;

the courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

Til next year J. Me.

(photos are of recent happy peacful moments and great people :))

third littel post

I was just walking in the hall of our department and heard a girl talking about a study, which found that yoga reduces the risk of diabetes. Such happy life that nice things do nice things :). Imagine if it would be vice versa, that watching TV would reduce risk of diabetes and we would have to sit in front of TV all day :D. Or if fruits and vegetables and nuts and seeds and fish would make you fat and we would have to feed on chips and chocolate. I think we'd be sick and tired of them all the time. Gotsto love life. Again.


Cheerio,
me.

Politie

While my other post, filled with big thoughts, gets written and re-written almost daily for the last two weeks, but never ready, I have to just write this here:


We got stopped by the police yesterday for having no bike lights (bad style, I know :( ), but since we are a couple, we got one fine to share. :D :D :D.
Almost have to say I love the Dutch police. Then again, as I once heard at a comedy show - in the Netherlands, there even isn't police, there is polite-i instead ;D. They sure were polite, I am very happy  and we also got free bike lamps. Go politie :).

gotta love people and life

Luka just told me that once people thought that you can actually measure a human soul after it leaves the body and they measured it to weigh exactly 21 grams.
:D. :D :D.

Best day in a long time :D :)

My whole fitness story and praise for yoga

Funny enough, I used to not allow myself to do yoga often. I tried yoga for the first time in Kärdla, when I was a teenager and think I continued with it once every weekend for a while. In Denmark, I did it a few times at fitnessdk and during my internship in Sparta in Estonia, I did it twice a week for about 6 weeks. And then finally last year, I moved to Netherlands, discovered youtube yoga and never stopped again :D.

I remember that in the start it was very difficult for me to even tolerate yoga, because I found it so slow. It is very hard to resist the urge to hurry things up at yoga, even when I know that I have already taken this whatever time from 10-60 minutes to do it, it is still hard to "wait" trough it and all the time I had this like come on, what's the next exercise, let's move on, lets do it! - attitude. Therefore, needless to explain, I found that yoga causes more stress for me than it helps me. So I didn't do it much. But I think that at Sparta sportsclub was the first time when I actually started enjoying it. It was probably largely due to the fact that at the time I was really keeping track of my trainings and training so much, that yoga was easy to like, as it counted as training but was less hard for the body than internse weight training or running.

However, once I had discovered its niceness and started appreciating this easy-going pace and attitude, I noticed how I kept somehow keeping these thoughts and this spirit within me even when I wasn't currently at a yoga practice. And in my opinion, it made me really hippi and really chill and relaxed about everything, not worrying not stressing and I disliked it a lot, because I thought that if I keep being so woo-hoo chill hippi in my head, I will never get anything done. It seemed to me that in this mood I dont worry or stress enough to have my things done and taken care of, and that only people who run around all the time and work like crazy and then manage to squeeze some HIIT trainings etc in to their busy schedule, are the successful ones and the ones to be. Therefore, I had to watch out not to be too chill and therefore not to do yoga.

However, now just recently I was reading the earlier posts of this blog. It is hard not to notice, how all the earlier posts are about health and eating and training and goals and I was so actively dealing with my own fitness and the fitness of the society. I am really surprised that I didnt start posting pictures of my every meal at the time :D. (Do you remember the time when world was only just getting so social media filled and everyone was doing it on Fb? :D). Well, I wasn't quite doing that, but literally every post had to do with my workouts and eating and tips and tricks (besides the one post about what I think about marriage :D. good to know that I also had these things in my head early on). 

However, when I think back, I dont remember myself being at all more fit than I am now. Rather, I was just thinking about it much more, but doing worse at it. It is interesting, because it seems that by now I have reached all the goals that I had then, and for which I was working so hard for, but I haven't noticed it myself. But to think about it, it might have been yoga what made the difference.

My whole fitness story goes like this:

When I first moved to Denmark was when I also stopped horse riding and noticed for the first time in my life that I am gainign weight uncontrollably. As I had also started studying Global Nutrtion and Health, I also felt like I ought to be more fit and in better shape. Yet I think that my aims were more to do with the visual side of it and not really the actual fitness. Anyway, I realized all the ways to manipulate your diet and energy expenditure, and ended up so tiny that I didn't even like myself (but then I moved to america and this obviously sorted the tininess problem out :D). After that I was really scared of getting so into weight loss again, because it was really bad experience being so tired and unhappy all the time and still pressing myself to exercise (i remember that the thing was that I could only eat as many calories as many I have used in training and therefore not these extra ca 1500kcal that the body needs just to function normally). So not wanting to do that again, I tried to "keep my head on" and stay in shape (i think still visual) with more normal means, but it was hard, becuase I still kept limiting myself so much, that then all other foods seemed really tempting and I had to fight all sortd of urges and when I couldnt, I ate so so much junk food (a'la while Im alredy at it) and then again had to eat less the following days, ate too little, which again made me eat too much soon after. Then, when I was doing my internship with Simon Strongman Stewart and the athletes of Team Denmark, I suddenly wanted to be really strong, and got the other way crazy, until I was squatting 100kg and looking like a huge girl with no neck or thigh-gap or whatever else is appreciated about nicely fit girls. Then, at some point I stopped strength training and lost 8kg without changing anything else and looked okay - not too big or not to small. Since then I have not really attempted to become the tiniest or the strongest woman on earth anymore and have taken it much more chill. Right now I am happy with my looks, my strength, my stamina, my eating habits - everything is fine, but I totally don't think about it.

So it is interesting to see from these posts how once i stopped thinking so much and trying so hard, I actually reached the goals I had back then.

I think that as one thing, it is definitely just learning. I don't think about or plan my trainings or diet anymore and dont know when was the last time I did that. Yet, I run, swim, yoga and do a bit of gym regularly and I eat healthy. I think that by planning my trainings and diet so much in the past, just eventually became a more automatic process and now I am just used to doing it anyway, so I can use my head to think of things other than that.
But I think that the second thing keeping me in good shape so that I don't even notice, is yoga itself.
Because I have learned to appreciate it so much, I really look forward to doing it. And it is nice to do it, because it is so slow. I really have time to notice my body and to do things slowly, with care and thought. It is challanging, but being so aware of your every move prevents doing too much. So I never get too tired from it. And I think that yoga has been the thing, which I don't even notice that I do, or which I dont really mentally consider as exercise, but what has made me strong.
And its influence on the mind, which I so noticed at the start, is actually very helpful in making one love and appreciate oneself, which in turn likely results in an improved diet. Really, I have become the best buddies with myself with the help of yoga, and could maintain that friendship even at the crazy times of the skin rash (Funny: The other day I saw someone I know but dont see regularly, and he went "Oh hi, your skin looks so much better" and I had even already forgotten that it ever used to happen that people greet me like that, cause I have been doing so well that all that seems forever ago). I think that as yoga makes you so aware of your feelings, thoughts and body, then it increases also the awareness about the effect of our dietary choices. I believe, that at least for me, nice healthy meals feel much more filling and satisfying than some maybe seemingly more tempting choices like pizza, chips, sandwiches etc, which make me feel so heavy in my stomach and after that ends, I am hungry again. I think that it might also be therefore, that I just know that I want to eat simple healthy meals, which then in turn also makes them tempting. When I think of for example pizza, I instead already feel the heaviness in my stomach and dont see it as a really tempting food.
And finally, yoga's influence on the mind in general, which I disliked and why I didn't allow myself to do too much, might be good in my opinion afterall. I mean..I think that I have grown a bit and readjusted or realized my values. I think that my idea of  the person to be used to be someone who is very productive and does a lot of things and is always kind of running around from one thing to another, and success = how many tasks you can fit in your day. Somehow like succeeding on as many roles a day as possible is the main task of a person. But by now, I have started to see that for me, actually, this does not seem to be the point anymore. Nowadays I think that it is just important to make sure that you are happy and satisfied with yourself and with your life. That it is important to think about oneself and take care of one self. And then, because you feel happy and satisfied with yourself, you just can more easily be productive and efficient and happy at your job and with your family and firends. So the two different value systems are very much similar, but just in the beginning I thought that these tasks are the goal in itself. Now I think that the underlying factor of being good at these tasks, is keeping yourself happy and satisfied and then, these tasks become easy. And also, that it is not about the quantity of things which you do per day, but about the quality and their value for yourself. Maybe, most of the things for which I kept trying (exercising, but also just the "duties" whihc I thought that I have every day), weren't really something I truly value, but what I just included, becuase I thought one is meant to have a very busy life). For example, I thought that being a good friend is very important (no worries, I still do :D), but as I knew so many people and wanted to be good friend for all of them, I felt like I constantly have to hurry to do my things (school and work and training) so I would have time to meet them or chat with them etc. However, by now I have realized that many of the people were actually not my friends as such as all, and were just a crowd with who we always met to spend time and chill, but I felt satisfaction from that because I felt like I am being a good friend, and not because I actually gained something from the experience. I have realized that I would have been just as well off by taking time for the things like studying, and I would have benefitted from it much more in my future. Not that I feel stupid now or like I didnt make enough effort, cause I still did, I just didnt sleep very much, but that I could have saved myself a lot of stress, if I had only realized that it is not about the quantity of things, but just about myself, how I feel, and what I actually consider valuable).
But then again, I am not sorry at all that I did all these things, becuase how else would I ever had learned all these things. And I also want to note that I did have and still have many very good friends with who I chill, too. But just that maybe not all of these people in my social circles and all these events were so necessary or useful.

So all in all I think that over the years, I have calmed down a lot. I have realized, what are the real values for my self, and what are not. And possibly become a bit more selfish. I now feel that by taking time to sit, read, study and reasearch whatever interests me, gives me much more, for my whole life, and that not going to social events is not necessarily lame, becuase actually many of them are similar and the whole thing becomes a bit repetative. Fair enough, if I've gone I could have made 5 persons laugh and improve their day, but it is just not as valuable for myself as staying home and reading about what interests me. and these 5 people are at a party and want to be there, so they will most likely laugh anyway. More generally, I think that I have just figured the value of everything out better for myself - some people are so dear to me that for them I would do whatever whenever, but in order to do that I have to also take care of myself and fulfill my needs of knowledge and physical activity and mind peace, and remember not to stress about values which I have only taken over from the society, but which are not actually mine. We are plenty of people in the world and if I fulfill my own values and everyone else do their own, I am sure that all the things which seemed to be valued will continue, and partying won't stop just because I stop going, so I will not make anyone sad with choosing myself first.
And yoga kind of helps me to connect with myself and figure out my values, while also being a value for me and keeping me healthy and happy. And even if I have just imagined all that for myself and it doesn't do any of it, then maybe it is just that it makes me so bored that I have all the time to think of these things and figure things out. I dont think so and dont feel bored, but whatever it is, at least it works :).

..oooor is it Wageningen that makes me to take my time and chill and study? :D As it is exam period of period 1 right now and therefore a year since I took my first exams here, it'd also be a suitable time to write a post about how's that been. But I will see if I will value writing it over all my other interests :D. I think I will ;). And also, why I haven't written is becuase I have so many thoughts that it is hard to pick of which one to write, but I will try over time to get these thoughts down here too, because they are so interesting that I wish that I would remember them also years from now (gotta love having a blog :)).

If you now got excited to also chill down and become a woo-hoo hippie calm person, then I never stop recommending youtube yoga with Adriene. But for any other goal i recommend her too :). Or if she's too girly and bubbly, then there is also Tim, who is a strong, hairy and often topless man (for me he is a bit too...manly :D, but yogi's choice ;)).

All ze bezzzt to all of you to this long dark end of autumn, let your inner self shine so brigth that all seems brigth and happy and enjoy and be happy and healthy and smile and relax, ye yee.
(Tsorry, started going funny. Maybe I actually should get out more :D)
Anyway,

All the best,
Kirsi.

And facial update :). Im sorry if I've shocked you with some of my pictures, I'm all well now :)

No place better than home

When you’re in love, then take love with :).

I am back to back action at Wageningen University, well rested, in good health and totally motivated to get on to work and give brain some well-appreciated academic activity. It seems to like and I like too. I am working on my thesis on diet and acne and will most likely be done by January or February next year. Though with all the cool vibes from the holiday I feel like I could be much more productive and finish already next month. But have to also remember reality, so February it is.

Holiday was soooo cool :). I was a bit worried about how to impress someone from Croatia with Estonian summer, but the boyfriend loved it, and so did I. We had such good time, first at Hiiumaa – chilling and watching horse competitions and going to beach and camping, and of course, the event we had all been waiting for – Kirsi’s and Miili’s 50^th birthday. After that we had some good time at Tallinn, where we (re)discovered the niceness of the old town (together with 100000000000000 tourists, what’s up Tallinn?!), had an amaaaaaaaazing so-long-lunch-that-turned-to-dinner with mum at Northern Europe’s highest restaurant at Teletorn and roadtripped with Miili to Rakvere. And of course we also spent plenty of quality hours in front of TV, cheering for Inks and some others at Olympics :).

And then, after all that was done, we packed our bags, said bye to Mum and flew to Amsterdam, only to start chilling again, this time with Luka’s family. It is so so nice to not have to go on a plane alone and sad, but together and happy. And to say bye to one family just to meet another :).

Well, anyway. I’d like to thank all friends and family (I know I already have, but isn’t it fancy to do it also here, in my supercool blog?!) for amazing time, and everyone at Mirsi 50 for such good party – laughs, love, tears, food, games, drinks, sauna, drama – all was there and I couldn’t have wished for a better party :). And again I got confirmed that a few good friends is much much better than million medium. Cheers and congrats again from here to the favourite couple Miilos and Jakob, who were the best holiday-buddies ever, many thanks Mother who on top of fulfilling all imaginable mother-duties was also such good tour guide and friend, and to Brother, who is Brother <3.

And then of course to boyfriend, for being good companion, loving Estonia, being so cool and from such cool family.

All iz well.

Enjoy pictures and last of summer :)

Love,

Me.